if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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