there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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