Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Someone signed my nipple.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
