every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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