I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
