Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
