I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
