all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
