Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
