I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
