One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
