Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
