So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im just a social blackout drinker.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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