does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
