If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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