God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
