I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this boner is exhausting
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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