omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
as a side note pls kill me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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