I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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