you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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