so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You pole danced in your parka.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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