"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
