my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
