She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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