What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My dick has a subreddit
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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