I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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