dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
