You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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