mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
