Yo dont text me then not text me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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