is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
