I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
