o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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