I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
COCAINE IS GR8
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
