just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
