I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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