Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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