I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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