Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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