his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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