when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
