i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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