You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
