i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
