Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
