Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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