You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
