My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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