So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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