Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
